Inner Thoughts of a Southern Belle

but I wanted to ask you out on a date, so maybe we could negotiate something."


Wow...yeah, I'm very very busy lately. Which is probably why people have been unable to find me lately. But that's ok. So what's new with me? #1: my internship is going well but I have gotten very behind on all my other work. #2: Chris and I are doing...ok...our 2 year anniversary is tomorrow and I still love him which makes me happy happy. and apparently other people want me too which makes me amused. I miss my family, especially my mom...but I"ll see her in three weeks. Oh yeah, and Becca and I hardly see each other but when we do its still a part-ay!

I'm happy happy all around.


Love ya
Me

What if everything's not okay? What if we're all just faking it. What if...inside...I'm screaming and crying? What if everything's not okay?

WARNING:I'm ANGRY.

Ok I don't know how many of you have heard about the Taylor Behl case that's been going on at VCU. Its a big thing here in Richmond, I'm not sure how big its gotten outside of Richmond. But anyway, quick synopsis is this: Taylor Behl was a freshman here at VCU. Something happened to her the beginning of September, and they found her body about a week or so ago. Now, this is very sad and of course everyone at VCU is shaken by this. But here's where my rant starts. The guy they think did it...(he says it was an accident), happens to be bipolar. I don't know how many of you are familar with bipolar syndrome. I happen to be extremely familar with it. Now, on message boards, its no longer "what kind of sick person could do this to a sweet girl" its "How could Bi-boy do this to her?". And the media is perpetuating this...whenever they can slip it in its (this man's name) who happens to be bipolar... which means, that anyone who happens to be bipolar (which is not a disease that makes you kill teenagers by the way) gets slammed with the aftermath. Why won't people realize that disorders like this are disorders. People don't wake up one morning and say "oh I want a mental disorder!" it just doesn't happen! And it doesn't help you when it feels like the whole world is against you.

Urg! Enough of this rant. I really am very sorry for Taylor Behl. I really do hope that whoever did this (and it is looking like he did it) is brought to justice. But I wish that the media would stop perpetuating the myth that disorders make people unfit for society.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

sorry...a wee bit stressed out

Love to all
Becca

Today is going to be a bad day. I can just feel it.

Maybe I'll make cookies.

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )

So this has been a busy week. I have about a forty minute break before I meet Christopher downstairs for our date. Which just makes me smile. We're back in the groove we got out of last semester. Last semester was so hard, with my classes boring me, my family driving me nuts, the both of us being so...unhappy and the constant fighting. But its over. and I think it'll stay over for awhile. For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm actually working toward my future and what I want to do with my life. Through a weird quirk of events today, I became treasurer of the World Issues Round Table Organization at my school...where we basically get together and argue about what should happen in places like Rwanda, Iraq, etc. Which just amuses me. My classes make me happy...I spend my days reading Poli Sci books and learning French...for once in my life really learning a foreign language. Things in my family are slowly getting better to...which is good. I just...wish that it wouldn't be a constant state of calling my parents to make sure everything was alright. But it could be worse. Much worse. Its even interesting because lately I've started to find a sense of belonging that I haven't felt in awhile. I've realized that a lot of my feelings of exclusion were self-created. I could become closer to some friends of mine if I made the effort, which I often don't, for various reasons....But I'm not going to do that this semester. but back to classes, in case anyone's interested

Poli 314: US Constitutional Law...makes me happy I know all the answer
Poli 363: US Foreign Policy...I know nothing but I'm learning lots
Poli 107: Political Theory...my one grrr class....but that's only because the teacher is preach-y
Honr 399: Women and the Criminal Justice System: Fun and only a month long!!!
French 201: I'm learning it really!!!
Honr 399: Ethics and Foreign Affairs....I haven't started this one yet....::pouts::


but leave me love and im me...luckyettarre or call me...you know the numbers or if you don't, i'll tell you 'em.

love ya
Becca



KISSES

And where are all the gods???


I'm back at college. I'm running around like a crazy person and I think I finally won with that stupid teacher about my grade from last semester. Which is fabulous. I'm hopefully going to get a job to keep myself busy busy busy. I've spent time with my baby. I saw him all yesterday which was marvelous. I've so missed him. He's going to be busy busy busy too. Which is fantabulous. I'm not really awake. But I slept for a long time last night which is good because I needed it desperately. I just need to convince my body that this headache is really a bad idea so it should go away. People in the Richmond area should come visit me. I'm in West Grace and its pretty. My dorm room is a bit busy. There's a lot of stuff in it. But I love people!!!!! I'm very very sleepy. I go sleep now.


Send me love...I love love!

Becca

Well, isn't it?"


Ok ok ok...so I am Ga-Linda. or Glinda. At least that's what was decided following our wonderfully marvelous trip to New York City and WICKED. So I'm to be the Ga-Linda to Shelly's Elphaba. And waking up every morning with Chris in my house was pure bliss. Even if he was grumpy and spilled coffee all over my mother's rug. I think she's gotten over that now though. Then going back to Richmond, even though I only got to see a few people was fun. I think the best part was going to Hollywood cemetary...Chris was so sweet to go just because I asked. By the end we were both covered in sweat and hot and exhausted, but we were smiling. Nothing can compare to having him whip around a corner so that I'd be flung into his waiting arm...except perhaps his kisses that make everything alright. We are so much better because I'm finally listening completely. Before...I was listening but it was always with the attitude of "what will this do to us...what will this do to me". Now I'm no longer worry about silly things. Kacy, Gaming, school, parents, any left over feelings when it comes to exes (on both our parts)...none of it matters because I love him and he loves me. He knows I'm here to stay and I'm no longer worrying about things coming between us. Like William the cat, there's just no room for anything between us.

ok,I've really lapsed on my lj recently...mostly because I've been too sick/depressed to write anything. Let's see...In February we had Chris and my one year anniversary...which is just crazy. We figured since we couldn't figure out exactly what day we started dating, we'd do a three day extravaganza. I mean, if Christ can have 12 days for his b-day, why can't i have 3 for my anniversary? ::lets other shudder at this blashemy:: He took me to an SCA event where I got to dress all pretty like and throw axes ("I don't believe in Newton" "well, the Axe does") then we went and played at Kacy's house. Our final night he came over after class and danced with me (I have to practice for the wedding) and we cuddled and fell asleep to 10 Things I hate about you. Now in march, my sister has had surgery...we're in count down to the wedding, and I got the flu earlier this week and now have a sinus infection. Needless to say its been a fairly stressful couple of weeks. But I'm still glad to be at college (although I'm insanely homesick and miss my mom, but that may be because I'm sick) and I still love chris with all my heart. The past two-three months have really pushed our relationship to the edge...but my face still lights up involuntarily every time I see him, and my heart still skips a beat when he gives me that look...the one where I know he's really seeing me.

alright, I have a massive amount of work to do today and tomorrow and I have to get at least 3 ABs done today before I go play with my becca. Any suggestions on movies we should watch?


love to all
Becca

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Supposedly. I don't know, I've felt so lost the past couple of months, I don't want to get out of my bed. I don't want to be alone but I can't stand being with people...even talking on line lately has been difficult for me...which is why i haven't been online as much this month. I don't know...combination of too much...too much work, too many ideas and dreams that don't seem to be happening...too much stress. I've been dealing with my sister's wedding a lot...which of course has a mixed effect. Part of me wants desperately to elope now, b/c its just too much work and I don't want to deal with it...and then part of me has secretly been planning my own wedding. shh...don't tell chris. but anyway, Valentine's Day was spent studying and going to classes because well...it seemed like a good idea at the time. now...it doesn't matter. I have one more test this week and then its time to play. and by playing i mean dressing up in a wench's outfit and going out for the day. it should be very very amusing. and i can't wait. I also can't wait to sleep. unfortunately, I don't think my mind will let me sleep any time soon. my hypersomnia has seemed to turn into insomnia.

I'm just...not really in a place to post I suppose...I'm just...not really around.

unfortunately, any plans I could've made to get together with my darling friends this weekend are not happening because it is my sister's bridal shower. you'd think that would only take up 4 hours of my life...but nooo my mother, 2 of my aunts, and my grandma are coming into town. don't get me wrong, i love seeing my family, but i have tests, papers, and readings to do this weekend...not to mention i'd like to spend time with my friends. but c'est la vie.

I sound like a whiny baby...they are good people and i'll have a good time...i just have a bit of a headache and i'm cranky.

classes are going well. I'm falling in love with International relations...and I'm really enjoying eng. 200 which is sad b/c this is the class everyone complains about, but i love because the teacher is sooo happy and sweet. and chris is in the class with me so we can goof off. yay!


spent the past couple of weeks either sick or sad. this is not a good combination so i'm refusing to be sick or sad anymore this month. this is my goal...i was sick or sad all of January and February will be happy damn it!!


anyway, I love you all and I miss you much

Becca

What Makes You.. by SheBangs12
Your name?
Your gender?	MaleFemaleOther
What makes you sexy?	Your ass
What makes you pretty?	Your style
What makes you loveable?	Everything
What makes you fun?	Your love for everything
What makes you irresistable?	Everything.
What makes you cute?	Oh, just about everything ^.^
Quiz created with MemeGen!

hehe, it amuses me. and i'm in a better place now dears...really I am. I spent the weekend playing and not doing any work which is bad, but c'est la vie...

I guess I've already won that"

Well, after a conversation yesterday that left Christopher seething and me...well torn between loathing and amusement I've lost a little faith in man kind. I'd always assumed that if someone wanted to, they could change for the better. If they realized they were being an idiot, they could work on that fact. Yet, he proved me wrong. I thought he had changed, he seemed to have been making an actual effort to change and to be my friend...or at least civil to me. Now, well, I'm not going to be party to his little games anymore...not if I can help it. and chris was marvelous. he defended me most wonderfully, making me wonder momentarily if I had fallen for a white knight...but c'est la vie.

I just need someone to give me a good opinion of humanity right now because mine was beaten up yesterday.


time to get ready for class...Tooodles

Becca

Freshman year, I wrote a poem called "Confusion Reigns". Tonight I wish I had that poem here at college. I wish I could remember it. All I know is confusion right now.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
hehe...ummm, went to college, found the perfect guy...some other things i'm sure.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
my new year's resolution last year was to be happy with me. I'm very happy with me, and now this year I will find a way to make everyone else happy.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
not this year

4. Did anyone close to you die?
nope, thank the gods

5. What countries did you visit?
Connecticut, and the state of insanity

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
perhaps a job...other than that I have everything I want

7. What date(s) from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 17-18, February 19-21, June 18, Weekend of Oct. 1, Oct. 27, and December 15...now, i wonder who knows all those dates.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
not killing anyone while dealing with a long distance relationship

9. What was your biggest failure?
not handling the entire january/february thing better.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
well, we have the migraine madness followed by the massive allergic reaction...but i stayed out of the hospital both times!!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
i don't buy a lot of things (me poor college student)...perhaps Chris' birthday present b/c it keeps me sane (no you sick fools, its a picture i'm making him)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Ammu, Jamie, Sakakini, Fizzy, and of course my love oh oh oh oh and KATIE COSGROVE

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
not going here, we're so not going here...i'm not doing it, this is not a polite question.

14. Where did most of your money go?
going out with friends and migraine medicine...oh and feeding my starving boyfriend.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
college, any time i went to VA, my birthday...

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
gods, which part, Someone like you, Why can't we be friends, True Love...there are so many
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? –oh so much happier..i'm a bit depressed at the moment, but theren's nothing i would change
ii. thinner or fatter? – about the same...perhaps a little fatter because i'm not sick with my forced bilemia thing...
iii. richer or poorer? – richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
come home during college, gone to VA during senior year...
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
stressing...hiding my feelings...

20. How did you spend Christmas?
with my family and a little on the phone with the love of my life...
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Chris...that's an easy one

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
yes yes yes yes over and over and over again

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Law and Order

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
well, I don't really hate anyone so, i guess no.

26. What was the best book you read?
Door into Summer/Foxmask. thank you boys

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
wicked, Avenue Q, The killers

28. What did you want and get?
Chris

29. What did you want and not get?
closure

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
in the theatre? DeLovely

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
19...and this is covered two entries ago.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
seeing chris more than 9 times in the first 6 months of us dating

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
its gone more to comfort...and flowy things

34. What kept you sane?
my friends, my sister, and Chris

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Heath Ledger, Jonny Depp...mrow

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
ummm...i'm not tlaking politics

37. Who did you miss?
at the moment, Chris...but i miss all my Trumbull Buddies

38. Who was the best new person you met?
my Becca probably

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
wow, cliche time...love is a many splendid thing...love, lifts you up where you belong, all you need is love...

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
i could be sappy but that's no fun so we'll just go with
"the more you love someone, the more you want to kill them" ~Avenue Q

Yesterday was easily the most romantic and incredible day I've ever had. Chris had been planning for some time to take me out for a belated birthday thing, and he wouldn't tell me where we were going. I get in the car and there's a rose on the seat with a note inside, starting me on a scavenger hunt. It took me all over Richmond, to places that hold so many memories for the two of us. To TJ, Dogwood Dell, Maymont...and finally back home where he gave me the most beautiful necklace and earrings I've ever seen. I have the best boyfriend in the world. I am so lucky...and i felt the need to brag for a minute.



Love y'all
Becca

So what did I do for my birthday you might ask? Well...
12 AM I had both Amrutha and Derek on the phone (ammu on cell, derek dorm) so they could wish me happy birthday. Then Chris called royally grr arggy so i ended up talking to him for an hour so he could be a happy boy again. Then my friend Becca called, and was having an emotional breakdown because of her (now) ex boyfriend. So at 1 that morning I walked to Rhoades Hall and we ate chocolate, watched Katherine Hepburn and just generally had a good time. Got back into my dorm room at about 4:15...went to bed only to awaken by my parents at 7. End up leaving here around 11 to go to breakfast with Chris. We went to Einstien Bagels then walked by the river. came back to my dorm room and watched movies, slept and studied. My one sister picked us up at 5 and took us to Arby's then dropped us off at the commons around six so we could play pool for an hour before my exam. Finished my exam around 7:45...waited for everyone to show up so we could go out...and my sister shows up with my DADDY. so that was my happy surprise of the day. We went out to Five Guys for dinner (Moe's was closed). On the way back, Becca's ex boyfriend calls...so chris picks it up the first time and says in a super deep voice "hi this is lisa". then he calls back and my father picks up the phone with "this is becca's father, i would appreciate it if you didn't call this number anymore, i don't want my daughter talking to you". All of which is true, in a weird sort of way. So we left my family and chris, becca and i went walmarting and blockbustering...he calls again, so Becca lets him have it. He ends up making her cry so now chris and i are trying to figure out how to best hurt him. But ended up staying up at Becca's till around 3 watching Robin Williams. Made me a happy girl.

Now the boy is taking me out today...and I dont know where...and I have no idea what to wear. but it should be fun.

Love to all, and thanks for the happy birthday's!! I miss y'all.

I'M 19, BUT I'M OLD FOR MY AGE...I WAS BORN TO BE BAD!!!